You Think You Could Have Mentioned That?

I think all of us are pretty amazed at some of the stuff that comes out of people's mouths (our children's included). In fact, if you're like me, you're also amazed at some of the stuff that comes out of your own mouth (often helped along by one too many beautifully chilled raspberry martinis). You know... the stuff you wish that internal filter that normally exists in between your brain and your vocal chords would have caught. I, however, have been much more amazed at the stuff people SHOULD have mentioned to me and didn't. For instance:

Your mom is not perfect. Okay, this sounds obvious, but if you grew up in a home like I did, where your mother never alludes to even the remotest possibility that she could be wrong about anything, its understandable that you might think moms are supposed to be perfect. That is until the inevitable happens... you grow up. Then, with grown up eyes you start looking at her and well, its a shock. And what's worse, when you grow up believing your mother is perfect, you also believe that when you yourself become a mother, you must also be perfect. Now, that's pressure.

One day, unless you intervene surgically, your mother's boobs will appear on your chest.

Pregnancy and hemorrhoids are sorority sisters.

Pubic hair can also turn grey.

If you have a wonderfully easy baby, its not because your are a wonderful mother. Its nature... trust me on this... baby number 2 will prove this theorem as quickly as a PHD in math can solve the quadratic equation.

It is possible for your breast feeding boobs to become infected. What is worse, the doctor will tell you to nurse MORE and not less.

After giving birth, it is possible for your uterus to move south, not just for the winter, but to retire there for the rest of your life.

It is possible for an 8 year boy to recite, verbatim and in its entirety, the limerick entitled "There was a man from Nantucket", no matter how much you screen his friends.

Your children will cut their own hair and test your "theory" on how much of a pain in the butt it is to get bubble gum out of their hair.

It is possible for your son to have longer hair than your daughter.

Dogs have anal glands and they can and do get clogged. If you share this with someone, make sure you also tell them there are people they can pay to make this go away.